Serie A Top 5 Goals: Fear and Loathing In the Stadium

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Finally! We just couldn’t wait anymore. We missed it so much. For almost two months, we have felt lonely and deprived of the most thrilling pleasure on a Sunday afternoon: Calcio. But now it’s back, in its most exquisite form; the Italian Campionato di Serie A. Be ready for nine months of phenomenal skills and high level feats! Think about Cristiano Ronaldo’s moves, Lorenzo Insigne’s ball control, or Stefano Sorrentino’s saves – just to mention a few highlights of the weekend just gone.

Yes, football is back at its most competitive. The game where a goal scored during stoppage time can make you cry with joy, or enrage the hell out of you. Fear and loathing, just like in a Quentin Tarantino movie. A blend of thrills, hair-pulling, and look-what-kind-of-goal-that-motherf***er-scored. Pardon our French, but we are at the stadium right?

And so, directly from the temple where supporters’ dreams come true, and our earthly gods are celebrated and idolized, here is our selection of the Top 5 goals scored in the opening round of Serie A 2018-19:

5) Arkadiusz Milik; Lazio v Napoli 1-2 (1-1)
An example of pure football tactical wisdom takes fifth spot – three touches, one goal. As Lazio and Napoli were battling at the Stadio Olimpico, referee Luca Banti was ready to send them for the half time break with the home side leading 1-0. But Lorenzo Insigne had a different idea, and produced a sharp cross to find José Callejon on the other side of the pitch. The Spaniard promptly re-sent the ball into the middle of the box, where Arkadiusz Milik only had to tap it into the Biancocelesti’s net. A spectacular move for the game’s equalizing goal.

4) Roberto Inglese; Parma v Udinese 2-2 (1-0)
Fourth place is reserved for Roberto Inglese’s opening goal on his debut for Parma. Inglese, on loan from Napoli, completed a circus-like move with the precision of a tightrope walker. Alberto Grassi collected the ball in midfield, dashed past his marker, then assisted Antonio Di Gaudio – whose long range pass for Inglese was equally sensational. The former Napoli and Chievo striker dazed defender Bram Nuytinck, and finished with a shot that gave the Crociati a temporary lead. Mamma mia!

3) Jasmin Kurtic; Bologna v SPAL 0-1 (0-1)

Jasmin Kurtic’s bolt from the blue was worth the ticket price of a disappointing Emilian derby – between Bologna and SPAL – on it’s own, and that’s enough to capture third place in our run-down How did it go? Kurtic simply received the ball 30 meters from the opposition goal, then moved inside and – ka-boom! – unleashed a screamer that hit Alfred Gomis’ post, before rippling the net. Alright, let’s watch it again. Power and showmanship!

2) Ciro Immobile; Lazio v Napoli 1-2 (1-0)

Second place goes to the most shocking goal of the week. Let’s make it clear – this gentleman is not new to scoring with his heel. Well, this time he didn’t exactly score with it, but he still used his heel to add a new feat to his bag of tricks. Here he is, Ciro Immobile, catching a long-range pass, moving towards the box, luring three defenders towards him, and…Magia! A beautiful backheeled kick to leave Mario Rui, Raul Albiol and Kalidou Koulibaly in his wake. Now, after such an amazing piece of skill, could he do anything but put the ball in the net? Crazy stuff!

1) Edin Dzeko;
 Torino v Roma 0-1 (0-1)
Our top goal of the week is the result of a combination between an emerging talent and an affirmed champion. This gem was simple and essential at the same time, and extremely complicated to execute. The Serie A debut of Justin Kluivert – the son of former Milan player Patrick – was outstanding. He was sent onto the pitch in the second half, and promptly threw Torino into panic. With just two minutes to go, he freed himself of his marker, moved to the right, and placed a perfect cross for Edin Dzeko – whose magical right-footed shot resulted in an impossible and uncatchable parabola. One that can defy any law of physics, and make your heart stop. Fear and loathing, as we said. Absolutely marvelous.

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